SOTD: Brain scratchies

I have this section of the chalkboard in my house where I write a rather existential “Soup of the Day.” I started doing it on my whiteboard at Burning Man last year, and continued for several months after getting back to the default world. Well, now I want to revive it on here. Consider this a sort of “not worth of a full length post” post.

I have the brain scratchies. It’s what I call the mental state that is similar to when you have a rash or other such affliction that you just can’t help but keep messing with. It isn’t that the anxiety is born of a particular topic, but there definitely feels like there is something “wrong” that needs “solved” but the “what’s wrong” doesn’t really exist, and thus the resolution can’t be found.

This was a pretty constant state of being for me before I started HRT. Now, considering I just had my dose adjusted (lowered) I can only assume that’s what it’s from. Not that knowing the source really does much good.

The only thing that seems to cure it for me is constant activity. The mind needs to focus so that you can ignore the psychic rash and feel better. The problem is, of course, that you can’t be busy constantly. That’s when the scratchies sneak back in. That’s probably why I turned to alcohol so much when I was younger. Sometimes you just need the constant hurricane of awareness to stop.

So there you go: brain scratchies. Now I’m off to go make dinner, play video games, take a long shower, then read. Hopefully that’s enough time to let the brain meat heal.